Ep—10 Candor: Speaking the truth in love

Speaking the truth in love

Speaking the truth in love

Our topic is Candor for the next 5 weeks 🙂 Candor is being able to speak the truth in love

Definition of candor— Candor | Definition of candor by Merriam-Webster freedom from prejudice or malice: fairness. 3. archaic: kindliness. 4. unreserved, honest, or sincere expression: forthrightness.

  • Candor can mean not speaking or leaving a situation that’s unhealthy
  • Women don’t have to be like men.
  • Just because the world says to get what we want we have to push to get what we want doesn’t mean we have to be that way.
  • Don’t give away your power to someone who doesn’t have the right to hold it. Walking away from a situation before you lose control allows you to keep your power and not give it away.
  • There’s a time for righteous indignation. But not every fight is that time.
  • Exhaustion can make us snap and say what we don’t intend.
  • Graciousness allows us to be wise and recognize our own fatigue, irritation, hunger, etc. so we take ourselves out of a situation rather than stay and let it go “south”.
  • Boundaries are a time to speak up. Hold your ground when your boundaries are crossed.
  • A firm voice doesn’t make a person rude. Firmness is important when boundaries are disrespected. A woman is not one of the many cuss words because she holds her boundaries.
  • Ask yourself: Do I feel like I have the right to my own boundaries? Do I feel like I’m always being stepped on? What words can I say that will hold my boundaries?
  • Learn to say “no” when I don’t want to do something or have something done.
  • Do people hide what they don’t know how to deal with? When we hide things, that doesn’t mean others are being unfair. Speak up.
  • Life is not fair. Throw out the window the idea that life and people are always supposed to be fair.
  • Some people do want to act miserably. We don’t have to stay around those people.
  • Ask: Am I tired or irritated or angry? Is the noise level or input level over-stimulating? If the answer is yes, it’s better to take ourselves out of that situation rather than say or do something we’d regret. Take time to refresh and rejuvenate so we can be kind, honest, and sincere.
  • Speak the truth in love to other people AND to yourself. Know when you can’t handle what’s going on around you.
  • Our integrity takes a hit when we act against our internal sense of self and intention. Then our self-image gets lowered.
  • Unreserved doesn’t mean no filter on our mouths. It means not holding back compliments, honesty, grace. Being sincere and kind in our expression so we raise others up and not tear others down.
  • Self-discipline means having the discipline to leave when we’re in a weak spot internally.
  • How do you feel when someone else always has to have the last word or a “dig”? It’s crossing a boundary. Speaking the truth in love might offer a question: When situation was resolved, why did you feel you needed to say more? The question gives the other person something to think about. We don’t have to make them understand they’re wrong. But asking leading questions at least gives them something to think about.
  • It’s not up to us to heal all the other people in the world of hurt and malice. That’s God’s job. God is the only fairness and healing. It’s up to that person and God to work those issues through. I have to leave it with them because I can’t make another person be what I want them to be.
  • If being kind, honest, sincere and holding to personal standards is important, then pay attention to whether you should stay in or leave a situation. If you have the possibility of going against your set of standards, what will you do? Think it through in advance to avoid being a hypocrite.
  • Do you want your words to bless others or act as a stumbling block?
  • Ask: Can I maintain my dignity in this moment?
  • To break the cycles of bad habits or behavior, we have to choose to act and react differently than we have up to that moment. Changing our behavior can change the outcome.
  • Dig deep for your gem of wisdom so you don’t keep spitting in the wind. Sometimes we get humiliated by someone else or on our own. Learn from that and don’t keep spitting in the wind.
  • Your integrity, honesty, genuineness of being help you like the person in the mirror.

Did you miss the topics of Courage or Confidence? 

Episode 1: The difference between courage and Confidence

Episode 2: Confidence strategies

Episode 3: Behaving like a confident woman

Episode 4: Teaching our daughters confidence

Episode 5: Courage (Facing our Fears)

Tips for resources:

Grace Under Pressure Radio on iTunes

Gems of Wisdom: For a Treasure-filled Life (paperback book)

Gems of Wisdom: For a treasure-filled life. (paperback book)

Gems of Wisdom: For a treasure-filled life. (paperback book)

Available for individual reading, group Bible study, or book clubs. Group discounts also available. Please contact me and let me know how many copies you need. I’ll also be happy to Skype, Google Hangout, Facetime into your group for presentations and discussions.

Thanks for spending time with me,