EP 14 — Boundaries: Shining Inside

Common opal

Common opal

Boundaries: Shining Inside

Episode 14 — Opalescence

  • Great appreciation for John Vonhof for leaving a 5-star rating and review on iTunes that says, “Our fast paced world pulls in many directions, whether in our jobs, home life, or relationships. Pressure is constant. Work hard, produce, and deliver. Then do it all over again tomorrow. Grace Under Pressure offers a ray of sunshine to help us stay focused on the truly important things in life. Angela shares from her heart and the result is positive. I encourage you to listen and be encouraged.” Thank you, John!
  • And thank you Melissa M. for retweeting from your account @Melissa_Author #GraceUnderPressure doesn’t mean perfection when you’re insulted. It means to keep trying to be gracious in difficult situations. Thank you, Melissa M!
  • Very appreciative of both @candacehancoc10 and @MargaretBrownly for retweeting #GraceUnderPressure Sometimes the climb goes on & on but the effort strengthens us for the success to come. Thank you Candace and Margaret!

    Zion natural stairs

    Sometimes it’s a tough, uphill climb but the experience is worth it.

Opalescence, based on chapter 3 from Gems of Wisdom: For a Treasure-filled Life. This book is being reissued (later this year) and updated to become Gems of Wisdom: The Treasure of Experience.

Proverbs 17: 17 (NIV) “A friend loves at all times, but a brother was born for adversity.”

  • There’s a difference between owning someone else’s problems and owning my own problems/issues.
  • Boundaries get crossed when others step on our toes or cross into their issues and take them. We steal their potential growth.
  • We can ask for help, but others shouldn’t step in all the time.
  • The opal story: An opal is ancient gel with a lot of water content. My prize possession, an opal ring shattered in extreme cold. Opals have 2-6% water content. The lower the content, the more stable it is. On the surface, it doesn’t show the full content inside. Realize we can’t see inside another person, nor can they fully see what’s inside of us.
  • The mural bench story: An artist broke a lot of beautiful pieces to create a mural on a bench. She used opal mortar to glue the pieces in place. When she was done, she’d created a beautiful bench that drew others to a beautiful resting place.
    • The pieces shattered inside of me and you can become shining experiences can make a difference for others from what we’ve survived.
    • Is it possible that the shattered pieces might be a safe resting place for someone else?
  • The rattlesnake story: How close to someone else’s troubles should you get?
  • When people cross your boundaries, are you willing to live that way? For how long?
  • If not, it’s time to start changing your role.
  • Usually, an about-face is too drastic. Change one degree at a time.
  • Stop owning shame that belongs to another. We may help those we love, be we aren’t defined by the problem.
  • Allow the hurts and difficulties to shimmer from within you as gems of wisdom. Experience that can benefit you and others with the knowledge you’ve gained.
  • The opal is a beautiful gemstone has a lot of rich colors that capture attention. The less water content in an opal makes it more stable. How would it feel to empathize emotionally, but not own someone else’s problems?
  • Ownership is a sneaky pirate.
  • Definition: Empathy — The ability to understand another person’s feelings or abilities.
  • Definition: Ownership — Possessing something.
  • The people you love have their own struggles to fight. They don’t belong to you.
  • Think about it this way: Even if those personal issues were served on a silver platter, they belong to the other person unless you steal it.
  • Practice: Picture an antique silver platter. Put each item back down. Someone else’s worries, fears, financial stress, unkind words, defensiveness, someone else’s opinion of you, unfounded accusations, …what else lingers?
  • Ask yourself: Is it really mine?
  • Let it all go and give it back to the person it belongs to. Visualize the tray back in the hands of the rightful owner.
  • Just as you don’t steal property from someone else, you don’t steal personal issues either. That’s called boundaries. You can offer to help, but you can’t do the living for them.
  • Ownership is not the same thing as empathy.
  • Because you understand what needs to be done doesn’t mean you should be the one to do it.
  • Be compassionate without internalizing (stuffing your pockets with someone else’s stolen treasures.
  • How else does that other person have the opportunity to learn?
  • Begin practicing the gem of wisdom, empathy with boundaries.
  • Empathy without stealing the blessings other people need to learn from the experience they get in difficult circumstances. God may need that person to learn and grow so He can use them to touch a life you’ll never be able to reach.
  • If you steal the opportunity for that other person to gain confidence and courage by going through the difficulty, how will they learn and know what God has called them to do? Don’t steal their blessings.
  • A friend can empathize and encourage, but don’t jump over the line too quickly because you may be the reason they stumble.

Would you like to read more about Gems of Wisdom? 

Gems of Wisdom: For a treasure-filled life. (paperback book)

Gems of Wisdom: For a treasure-filled life. (paperback book)

Did you miss an episode or series you’d like to hear?

Confidence (What’s the difference between confidence and courage?)

Courage (Facing Our Fears…)

Candor (How to speak the truth in love)


EP-11 What Role Does Acceptance Play in Candor


EP_11 What role does Acceptance play in candor?

A soft touch verbally or physically helps manage a rough moment.

A soft touch verbally or physically helps manage a rough moment, even when Muse swipes my chair.

  • Acceptance is the first step to becoming a woman of candor. We have to know ourselves as well as other people.
  • 1 Cor. 13: 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child…
  • When we bring our childhood beliefs and reactions into adulthood, we don’t always choose the best reactions/actions.
  • How do we recognize when misperceptions skew reality around us?
  • Walking away and standing up for ourselves or other people are both wise in specific situations.
  • Am I fully awake in the situation, paying attention?
  • Do I understand what I’m supposed to be saying or doing in the situation?
  • Rachel’s story…
  • I have no magical powers to change things and make what I want happen. I only have the power of love.
  • Is magical thinking an issue for you?
  • Women of candor recognize reality.
  • What holds you back, and those you love, from being who and what you need to be?
  • Accept the way it is. Once we begin to understand how to accept reality, the obstacles begin to fall.
  • Going back to familiar behaviors means the familiar outcome. But that doesn’t mean the familiar outcome is positive.
  • Don’t let yourself be pulled into magical thinking and ignores reality.
  • Acceptance is to be resigned to reality, not from it. It’s not quitting.
  • Circumstances are what they are. Once we’ve accepted the direction we need to go, then we can use the gift of candor to gain a different outcome.
  • Feelings exist and don’t belong to anyone else. They just are. They’re your feelings.
  • Practice living in the truth, accept life for what it is, and speak the truth in love so you become a lighter-hearted, happier person. Let go of the past and go forward into a better future.

Next week is how Mercy is an important part of candor. Go forth and shine like the dawn as you accept life as it is so you can choose where you will go from here.

Did you miss the first episode in this series on Candor?

Episode 10 Candor: Speaking the Truth in Love

Previous topics: Confidence (4 part series)

Episode 01 The Difference Between Confidence and Courage

Or: Courage (5 part series)

Episode 05 Facing Our Fears part 1


01-The difference between confidence and courage


Aug 2015 Topic is Confidence:

01 The difference between Confidence and Courage—Baby Steps

  • Courage is doing something when you know it has to be done, whether you’re prepared or educated or capable.
  • The chocolate story.
  • Confidence is doing something because you know you can do it. Though related, courage and confidence aren’t the same thing at all.
  • To gain confidence, you take baby steps.
  • How does jealousy interfere and undermine confidence?
  • Be proactive and not reactive
  • Consider others as equal, not better than you
  • Be generous with your time, talents, and appreciation of others
  • Boundaries are crucial
  • Be proactive, not reactive.
  • Allow others to love and compliment you without negating.

Upcoming episodes will include educating ourselves in confidence strategies, practical tips for behaving like a confident woman, and teaching confidence skills to our daughters and granddaughters…