EP — 15 Boundaries: The Secret of Being Proactive versus Reactive

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Boundaries: The Secret of Being Proactive versus Reactive

Chief, a smart horse

Meet Chief, one smart horse! Lovable, unless he doesn’t want to be ridden!

Appreciation Moments:

Thank you to @KandiMontana for retweeting #GraceUnderPressure

Carrie Fancett Pagels who reviewed 2 of my books, A Healing Heart (Audible version) and The Debutante Queen (Kindle version). Her reviews are on Overcoming with God along with a book give-away this week (Nov. 10, 2015). Visit the interview article on Overcoming with God for the opportunity to win a free book.

Also thank you to Noela Nancarrow, Jennifer Hudson Taylor, Diana Flowers, Teresa Mathews, Caryl Kane, Tina St. Clair Rice, Bonnie Roof, Mary Preston, Just Commonly, Tammy Cordery, and Kay M. for participating and promoting both my books and the Grace Under Pressure Radio show in blogging, twitter, and social media with me this week!!

Let’s get into the show notes…

“The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” Proverbs 21: 5, NIV

  • The gemstone, zircon, can be used to compare emotions to nuclear activity. It’s used inside nuclear reactors because it can handle the extreme heat and melt platinum.
  • Our emotions are meant to be managed and controlled by us, not become a nuclear explosion.
  • In the animal kingdom, learning to ride a horse (rather than be thrown from it) takes intentional focus. We pay attention to his behavior, tension, and patterns of behavior. By learning these things, we’re proactive in managing how the ride will go.
  • In difficult and highly emotional moments, there are often patterns. Ask:
  1. What do I know?
  2. How do I find out what I don’t know?
  3. How will I act in the future on that knowledge?
  • When we’re out of touch with emotions, we can either feel dead inside or the opposite, catastrophic. Uncontrolled emotion is destructive.
  • Emotions are volatile entities that must be carefully managed. Pure emotion doesn’t have to mean a nuclear meltdown.
  • Pay attention to your body’s signals when your frustration, anger, and emotion begins to rise. What’s happening inside you? What do you recognize? Is your heart racing or your face turning red or your jaw clenching? Write down what is happening to you so you can be aware when emotion is taking control.
  • Now write down your life goals. How does uncontrolled emotion sabotage your ability to get those goals?
  • Choose one thing to work on and write it down.
  • One decision at a time turns your life around while too many can cause a meltdown.
  • Give yourself mercy and grace to mess up as you practice the new habit.
  • Role play and discuss better ways to manage your responses with safe people like friends, counselors, safe groups.
  • God gave you a dream. Don’t let out of control emotions or someone manipulating your emotions and behaviors take those dreams away from you.
  • Change your responses to those who intentionally hit your hot buttons so you control your behavior instead of someone else.

One version of the Power and Control Wheel. There are now many for the various types of abuse you might face to help you find the cycles to break.

**The YWCA Power and Control Wheel is helpful to see cycles you might not be aware of. Once you see the cycle, now you can begin learning how to stop it by learning different responses and choices.

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